I’m back with an early update because this blog has been too lonely since June. July was a productive month, actually. I started reading and writing again, and even filled a whole notebook with new ideas, but then I was too tired and overworked to do anything else.

The summer holidays were good and necessary, but I tried to do too much to make the most of the lockdown situation. In the end, I didn’t do even half of what I wanted to do, mainly because I have listed all the stuff I haven’t been able to do in years. Obviously, a short summer holiday wasn’t going to be enough.

But let’s go back to writing. I’ve started to second-guess all those life-or-death decisions I never feel 100% sure about, like using first or third person narrator… or having more than one POV… I sometimes feel like, with every notebook, I take one step forward and two steps back. I try not to overthink, but I can’t help it. I tell myself (and others) that a good story is a finished one, but I haven’t been able to finish anything. I feel like I’ve lost track of how many stories I’ve started. So I’m going back to setting goals.

In the following month, I want to try participating in the Spanish #LeoAutorasOct challenge, which means I will read stories published by authors who use she/her pronouns (yes, NB authors who use she/her pronouns are included). There’s a bingo, too, but I might cheat a bit and cross out more than one option per book. I say cheat, but is it really cheating if the rules state that it’s allowed?

My other goal will be to make a list of future projects. I saw it’s a thing that some Spanish authors do and hopefully it will help me remember what I have in mind because I keep losing track of everything. And lockdown isn’t helping.

I hope you all had a nice summer, and remember to get the flu shot if you can!

Last “monthly” update was April because I skipped May’s. I guess there wasn’t much to tell. I was still unable to read, but I did write a bit and started a new notebook. I had some free days and, although I spent them in lockdown, I’m sure they’re the reason I was able to relax enough to keep writing despite the anxiety.

I decided that I’m not going to focus on finishing anything at the moment because I’m no good at it. If I feel like writing a scene, that’s what I’ll do. If I feel like doing some research, that’s great. I’ve just decided not to care if what I’m doing is good or useful. I just want to enjoy what I’m doing.

In June, work has been busy, but I’ve been able to concentrate more. Maybe I’m getting used to working from home, but I’m still too exhausted to write afterwards and I definitely don’t want to stay all day in front of the same computer.

Compared to April and May, I’m feeling a bit better now, but maybe I’m misremembering because the bad times have passed… I did have some some dark moments that required an emergency therapy session. I’m doing much better now, though, so I’m focusing on that!

At least I’ve been reading again, which I take as proof that I’m doing better.
I realized I was unable to enjoy new books, so I’ve been re-reading some old favourites. With the help of my book recs posts, I’ve been able to make a rather long list of books I want to re-read. Since I didn’t even want to re-read books when I was at my worst, this is a good sign for me.

Let’s hope I can keep it up during the month of July!

A bit late, but I wanted to finish transcribing my ninth notebook before I wrote this, so it’s taken a while. Since my last update, I’ve gone back to work (now from home) and realized I suffer from what I’ve seen people call Quarantine Brain Fog. My sleep pattern is in a what-is-a-pattern state, I forget all sorts of things (words especially) and, even though I’ve never been able to comprehend linear time that well, right now time has no meaning whatsoever.

One good thing that came from all this is that I’ve been putting my mental health first, so I’ve stopped writing from Monday to Saturday. From Monday to Friday I try to focus on my job, then I get upset because I can’t, and then I try to rest until I feel well enough to go to sleep. On Fridays and Saturdays I’m exhausted. So it’s not until Sunday when my batteries have recharged enough for me to write. And I’m enjoying it when I do, it’s just… I can’t do it while I’m working.

My goal now is to keep writing as long as I’m enjoying it. And that happens when I’m well rested, so I’m making sure I rest a lot after work. The difficult part is not feeling guilty. Although it somehow feels easier now that we’re all in it together. Knowing that this is a normal reaction to the pandemic and quarantine and that I should be careful with a few specific things helps a lot. People share their experience and advice everywhere, even on newspapers, and I’m more aware of my emotional state, even if the ups and downs are always unexpected and I can’t read anything right now.

So yeah, it’s been a slow process, but I’m writing, and even though I only write for some hours on Sundays, I managed to fill the second half of a notebook. This is more than I’ve written in the past 5 months, so I’m thinking I should accept this is my new pace. Although it’s slow… if it works, it works.

Not a very fruitful month, but more than the previous one. I’ve finished the outlines I intended to write, but they’re very vague. With points that read “Shit happens, but they solve it somehow”. You know, not very detailed. So I’m not very happy with them, but that’s not the only thing I’ve done.

I’ve been gone on a research trip that helped me with one of the stories, which is starting to sound more and more interesting to me. This research trip involved going to a beach in Northern Spain, so it was nice. And I bought some books, did some reading and had some good ideas that sound like they’ll be fun to write. I’m looking forward to it, but I do need free time.

I did start a new notebook and I’ve filled a quarter of it, so I should be proud, but I want to do more. It feels like it’s never enough, and I’m the first to tell my friends off when they do this to themselves, so I’m trying to follow my own advice and take it easy.

And now that I mention taking it easy… I’ve never participated in NaNoWriMo because it’s the opposite… and I’m not going to officially start this year, but I do wonder whether it’ll be good to have a month in which I prioritize writing, even if I do it on my own and I don’t finish the story.

So I have two new goals for October: to get things ready so I can start writing in November (maybe I can make a better outline and work on research), and to fill at least half of my new notebook.

Hope you all enjoyed the end of summer!

I’m afraid I haven’t been able to achieve the goals I’d set for the month of August. That is, writing two outlines for my two short stories.

At first, I was terribly busy and didn’t have time at all. Then I went away on holidays, but it was a road trip and I have motion sickness, so no writing. And after that… well, the month was gone. I’d already mentioned I was going to be very busy and I set easy goals, but I was still unsure. And yeah, I was so busy I had to do overtime at work.

September looks a bit less busy so far, but I’ve been writing things unrelated to the goals I’d set. Still research and outlines, but, maybe unsurprisingly, not for the stories I’m supposed to be writing.

So I’m going to count that as a win, because I didn’t overwork myself, my anxiety is mostly under control, and I’ve managed to write a bit, even if it’s not what I’d intended to write. For September, I’m going to set the same goals. And I’m going to start a new notebook!

My goals for July were to finish transcribing another notebook and, being up to date, to decide what to write first. But I’m pretty bad at decision-making, so I made a list and divided the stories I wanted to write into four groups. Group 1 had all the long stories, so that was out of the question. Group 2 had medium-sized stories with several ideas. Group 3 had short stories that needed more development, and Group 4 was formed by mere ideas. I wanted to choose one particular story from Group 2, but I knew I’d need a lot of time to do research (not as much as Group 1, but still), and I think I’m not ready for that yet. Maybe the problems I had with my PhD still affect me.

Somehow, world-building doesn’t feel so insurmountable at the moment, so I’ve chosen two fantasy stories that will just need some preliminary research. I didn’t want to choose one so soon, so my goal will be to write the two outlines during the month of August, and then decide if I want to write one of the stories, both or none.

I’ll keep you updated!

By the way, July has been a good month in general. I feel more positive nowadays, and I have more good weeks than bad ones per month. I even felt curious about my own notebook and I had fun transcribing it. That’s great news for me!

I also participated in my first Pride Parade ever! It was a lot of work, but I had fun and shared candies and rainbows with lots of people. Unfortunately, I’m very busy at work at the moment, but I’m taking care of myself. It’s always good to have friends that remind you to take a break now and then. My month could have ended badly if it weren’t for them.

Holidays were a bit stressful for me because I got sick, so I spent a couple of weeks recovering and getting used to work again.

Once I got into it, transcribing the seventh notebook wasn’t hard at all. The Pact ™ has kept me motivated, even if I’m still doubting and second-guessing myself. I know making decisions is an important part of writing, so I’m trying to ignore my constant misgivings and keep pushing forward. Well, at least when it’s about transcribing my notebooks… because I still haven’t decided which project I want to draft for The Pact.

I know the doubts will be there with anything I choose, and if I have to choose between writing a draft and thinking it’s not the right one, and not writing anything… well, I’ve done the not writing already, so it’s about time I finished a draft, right? And they’re all going to feel wrong, so the only thing I can do is… try to do my best.

Anyway, you may have noticed I’ve posted not only one, but two posts with book recommendations. I wanted to share good books to read during Pride Month. My goals for the month were to finish transcribing a notebook and to post the Year 2 of Books I Loved as a Romance Reader. As you can see, I’ve been a bit of an overachiever; I did both, and then also posted Year 3 for Pride Week.

But Pride is not over for me! And I didn’t just mean it in the metaphorical sense. It’s still Pride Week in Spain, and we still have to celebrate it in Germany, so I’ll try to keep it up.

After reading this, my own post, I’ve decided my goals for July will be 1) to finish transcribing another notebook and, since I’ll be up to date by then, 2) to decide what to start writing first.

I also want to do something for German Pride, but I don’t know what. I don’t want to stress anyone with more book recs, so what would you like to see?